Truth - Tale of head, heart and hand

"My wealth is my Knowledge, Dhananand !!

If my knowledge has Strength,

I shall create the kings to support me"

"A teacher is never ordinary, Dhananand !!

The Creator and The Destroyers both plays in his lap" 

These were the simple statements made by Vishnugupta in the courts of one of the Indian king Dhananand from Nanda dynasty in 305 BCE. These were the words from angry Vishnugupta when he was insulted by the establishment and was taken as a joker.

Fast forward 320 BCE, The Nanda Empire was conquered by Chandragupta Maurya, who founded the Maurya Empire.Guess what new king was the student of Vishnugupta, by that time he was known by the name Chankaya, who is household name for every Indian in current era as well. 

And yes Chakravartin Ashoka Samrat was from the same Maurya empire and ruled by the guidelines and principles articulated by Chankaya.

Interesting, What happened in those 15 years which converted those laughable simple statements which were made out of anger into TRUTH? 

Can Truth be constructed ? Or was it a mere example supporting the statement made by wise "Anger is purest form of emotion".

Let's discuss truth, Wikipedia says "Truth is most often used to mean being in accord with fact or reality or fidelity to an original standard." Oh ! quite a dry description of the Truth.

During my school days i used to wear belt which was part of the uniform.It used to carry one interesting one Liner, "Truth is God", This being the motto of Army Public School in India.

This motto was so profound, i don't remember anybody having discussions on the motto. It was accepted with grace.Simple thoughts or ideas helps one to go through crisis. If we say one is not ready during school days to understand the complexity behind the verse, Fair enough simple thoughts are easy to understand and apply.


First of all let's appreciate the fact that there is a difference between Fact and Truth.

Fact is something which can not be combated with reasoning. A fact is a reality that cannot be logically disputed or rejected. If i say "1 + 1 = 2" , It is a concrete reality and no amount of reasoning will change it.
Facts are not discovered, facts are not created, facts are simply acknowledged.

A Truth on the other hand, is almost opposite. Truth are not simply acknowledged, but must be discovered, or created.Truth is something which depends on a person's perspective and experience. " 2 = 1 + 1 " is True , but not a fact as there are infinite results " 2 = 1 * 2  or  2 = 2 / 1 or 2 = 10 - 8 or ... ). To cut this short mathematically we can say Fact is True, but not all Truths are facts. Someone nailed it when he said "Truth is generally accepted outcome or reasoning while fact is a proven truth."

Truth is something which is present present inside each one of us. It is something which is waiting inside us, like a seed awaiting for the discovery. In our general day to day conversations whenever we hear a statement , there are different ways we interpret what is offered to our ears.

We dissect or see it through the lenses of Head, Heart and Hand. Head is representing the Intellectual, Heart the Emotional, Hand the Practical side of us in a human body or system.

We mix all the three and come up with something which suits us or make us comfortable.

Oh ! Yes these are the things which happens when we hear something, you can not run from this process at least as it is a fact. Whether you accept or not, all these goes behind once you hear something.

Textures of Truth are beautiful and rich, one experience the same at different level.
Their is value in every truth, Ultimately you have to create your own truth and have fun with same.

So technically there are so many version of The Truth, Your truth, My truth, Their truth.

Looks simple isn't it ? If we know Truth is all about perception and interpretion. Why their are conflicts across the world across the subjects ? Looks like a NP hard problem to solve for us The Humans.
We are too busy in playing Truth or Dare, we don't have time to ponder over things like this, isn't it ?

I think, conflict arises when are trapped and tightly coupled to "ME/MY". We are so concerned about our Truth that we forgets the very fact about truth.

We don't Let GO , to allow others to enjoy their truth.It's all contextual, nothing is Perfect. We should just Let it GO and make the way for other toward happiness.

With time Ideas expand, so even the Truth moves towards the infinity.

I loved when somebody said awesome thing about our society. We are obsessed with one word "Judgement", We keep asking ourselves or other for everything "Is this right? Is this wrong ?"
 We should rather observe and understand.

Observing is No Judgement, Explanation is no Justification.

As my friend say in history , only hunter's truth dominates. But that should not stop us from doing following thing

"Let's discover our own TRUTH"

- Signing off , please let me know your views in comments or mails.

Your friend,
Surender ( Surri )




 

People Matters

Every one of us have a strong attachment to one or more words/term/phrases irrespective of Languages. As Language is just a way to communicate emotions. These words change from Person to person, region to region and time to time.

“Thank you, Please Hello, You are Welcome, Have a Good Day, Dude, Whatzup, Hmm, Simple Nodding, OK, Yes, No, Awesome, lol, sir, ma’am ,boss , ..."

In the later part of my final engineering, when we were having our farewell time. I was in love with the word “PEOPLE”. I don’t know the exact reason but I was so passionate that I even tried to write a book “People Matters”. I was not dedicated enough to bring a logical closure to the same, that too in College days when we have the hell lot of time.

People is a very simple term which means Human beings. You might be thinking why it should be even a subject to think upon. As a listener/reader subconsciously we are looking for answer of one Prominent question (WIFM).  “What’s in it for ME?”

Once Jim Rohn said “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”.

Now you must be thinking of people with whom you spend time. Hey let’s not use our Math’s average concept to get a picture of ourselves ;) 

It’s interesting and if we think for some time it’s true to some extent. As a human being we learn from our Environment consciously or subconsciously. Inputs are being given to our brain each and every second by our five senses. People and their energy creates the environment.

Each one of us is responsible for the kind of environment we are living in! If you are happy and enjoying your life don’t forget to say Thank You to people around you. If something is bothering you for some time and you are not comfortable in your day to day activities. It’s high time for self-introspection and see if you can act to change the self and energy of the environment in which you spend your time.

As we have all the right to be happy and enjoy our life. Don’t think much Just act because those who matter will love the change and help you in the same, and those who mind should not matter.

I was always curious how each one of us have different opinion on different aspect of the life. Each one of us are different and it is justified to have different opinion or thoughts.

When it comes to People, They are not always good or bad! It's the relationship or energy which flows between two entities which is good or bad. Good or bad is the wrong words to choose while talking about people. Like and dislike seems appropriate to some extent.

We love to be in the company of few because we are happy and comfortable in the environment which gets created when we spend time with our loved ones.

As per common saying “Birds of a feather flock together” We human beings have grown as a society and achieved great heights when people joined hands together for a common cause.

Some of you might be thinking of the concept of “Complement Each Other”. Yes you are very true there can be cases where you are two totally different personalities with opposite thoughts but you guys are the best buddies. Because it’s energy which flows between you matters. There will be differences in thoughts at a high level, but when it comes to basics or purpose you’ll be amazed to see they will join at some points. If both of you and understand respect each other differences There will be an awesome flow of energy, which will leads to more happiness.

Let’s celebrate the benign presence of Awesome People around us and Help each other in achieving our self-Goals and break our limits every day.

Let’s take charge of our own Happiness and promise ourselves we will do whatever it takes under the sun to Smile Constantly J

Please let me know your views on the importance of People in your Life by comments or inbox me!

Wana Glitter Like Gold

Hey It's been seriously a long time that I have told you guys anything.
Pristine Soul Memoir was a place where I promised myself to post my Hits and Trial with Life.But it's been more than a year that I have posted anything.

C'mon Man ! Are you serious ! It means I didn't had anything to share !
This is not true,the are 'N' number of incidents.

Oh My God ! Do you mean that I didn't had enough time to even think what's going in my life.During school days had heard a lot about 'Time and Tides',None of them wait for the Humans.Quite true and proven fact! I guess all of you will agree on it !

I can give you on stamp paper that Everyone of us have 'N' number of Extra small,Small,Large,Extra large Dreams or Desires which were our Best Friends in School Days.We used to spend time discussing and sometime even did some planning for the same.

But as soon as we are out of the college and after being the part of Working Force club,We even stop thinking about childhood dreams.We convince ourselves with so called 'Practical' thoughts which one or other way proves to our subconscious mind that there is something called Impossible.

As far as my thoughts are concerned this is not the Right thing or Right Way to Live a life.By this we are doing nothing but  training our subconscious mind to be a Coward.I assume all of us are aware of The Power of subconscious mind.With time One will be afraid even to take small risks and dreams will take their literal meaning.

It doesn't mean we should leave our daily job and just pack up our bag to run after our dreams.We have to take Time out from our routine itself for other things which we wants to do in our life.

Buddy Lets wake up now to Get Peaceful Mind, Joyful Heart,Vibrant Body.Because Nothing happens if you are sitting on your ass to just get bleed and time will just pass away.

Just try to give it everything you got it in whatever you take in your life.Give yourself completely Body,Mind and Soul.Then leave it to the Destiny to decide it for you.It doesn't matter what comes out of it,You will become bold day by day subconsciously.You will be amazed to see yourself in mirror and the contentment which you will get will be mind boggling.

Professional and Personal Life both will glitter like gold.Just have a burning heart to pump up the oxygen to  take the back your pride in order to get out the stranger that's buried deep inside all of us.

If you have the lightening Passion in the Heart,Trust me you will be able to get time for everything you want to do in life.So right from Now make sure you take time out for your dreams as well.

All the very best ! And I am also signing off to do the same !

Thank You AIT

If you are among those who generally wins every match which they play in life.You might be looking for the strong opponent.TIME is the one which will give you a tough fight and obviously One day you will not be in the mood of playing but Time will continue running.Used to hear a lot that Time and Tides never waits.But today I realized that time actually flew like anything.

Right now I am enjoying my stay with my Parents.I am just done with my Computer Engineering from Army Institute of Technology,Pune (AIT).On the first Monday of next Month i.e 2 July 2012, I will be living my Dream by joining Microsoft Corporation -"The Software Heaven" as IT Software Engineer.With God's grace Everything is Perfect People around me are happy and I am also very  much excited to Start a New Life.

It seems that it was just few days back when We joined AIT.But on the time line it is Four years.Time always wins.We entered AIT as school kids and came out as an Engineer.As a school kid we used to keep our self busy with books and sports.School Kid never thinks too much I don't know whether s/he don't wants to or s/he never got  time to ponder over his/her thoughts.If we consider our life a Blank Notebook then During our School time we just fill the introductory part and bind it properly.Half of the notebook is filled by time during our college life.

AIT has empowered us with the Potential with which we can shake the Earth.AIT means friends, batch mates,seniors,juniors,management,hostel,fields and everyone who are directly or indirectly linked to AIT.Our batch 2008-2012 was the most amazing batch of AIT.I know every batch claims to be The Best.We have enough reasons with us to prove our claim.We were a talent hub You name a domain and we have lots of people who have proved their potential in their respective domain.Technical,Sports,Cultural and Innovation was our USP.AIT provided us the opportunities to grow and learn at every step.

The best thing ever happened to me in AIT was my Friends.The kind of emotional bond which is bonding us together is amazing and I know it will last till my last breath.I got a chance to interact and spend time with the finest souls.It's impossible to put the kind of relationship we have with each other in words right now.I Would like to thank my friends for being there and I must tell you Your just benign presence mattered a lot to me.

With time people generally forget things as soon as they left the binding Place.But lets promise that we will keep each other alive in our hearts.It was not a coincidence that we were together We were destined to make an impact in each others life.

I am missing you guys already ;I have to close this here only as it's near to impossible for me to continue.I am afraid that I will not be able to see many faces frequently whom i used to take for guaranteed.

All the Best to All of You I know we will rock this world.Always be in Touch !
As the Director sir says Always remember :

"NAAM,NAMAK,NISSAN"

Thank You AITians ! 

"Badey chete aunde ne yaar anmulle, hawa de bulle

Badey chete aunde ne yaar anmulle, hawa de bulle

Si mauja karde, collegi parde 

Si naal bitaayi, oh umar jawani "

(P.S. Few Clicks just taken before leaving the College i.e. 12 June 2012 )

View From NBH

Final Step

A Call On Sunday

It's been a long time that I haven't written anything.Things have changed a lot.Everyone wants and has the potential to grow and improve themselves.It's good to have a dynamic life.
Some of you must be thinking "Hey there are lots of things which don't change and move." I agree my friend but we can say that "Static things also moves but with velocity Zero :P"
So I am also not in the list of exceptions.Like you guys  I have also evolved.Events like conversion from Intern to Full Time Employee at Microsoft.Due to which I will be living my dream every second from July 2012 after the completion of my Engineering.The best part would be that this time I will not be alone from my college I'll be living the dream with few of my best friends.Visit to Parents place,Tracking to Rajmachi and coming closer to nature in Goa has also helped a lot in learning and evolving.

OK ! To taste the sweetness of life We must have the power to forget the past by keeping the good things in Subconscious mind.

So I'll come to present.Today is Sunday i.e 'Day of Sun' the first day of the week.Everyone has their own definition of Sunday as per their likes.Some loves to play,read,write,jog,introspect themselves,track,watch movies,spend time with loved ones, prepare themselves for the coming days and the list goes on.Again I am also not the exception It's my favorite day also.

On Sunday I have to call little Eleven year old girl from Tarantar,Punjab.I have never been to Tarantar and also no family friend connections.But still I have to talk to her Every Sunday.It's small story I think i should tell you guys.

It was 17 April 2009 ,After giving the Exams of second semester of first year I was going to Ambala Cantt where my dad was posted.With lots of thoughts running in my mind like completion of FE in AIT,complexity of exams,strong urge to meet family I boarded the Jhelum Express at 1720 hours from Pune railway station.

I had one upper berth reserved my favorite berth in train.Quality of your journey also depend on the fellow passengers specially when you have to spend about 30 hours in the train.So after a formal introductory talk with fellow passenger I got to know that It was a Punjabi family whose head was serving in Indian Army and They were going to their native place.A small girl the epitome of purity was busy in playing with his smaller brother who was resting in her mother's lap.The eyes of the nikka sardar clearly depict how happy and satisfied he was resting in the mothers lap The Heaven.I slept that night while thinking Once i was also that small and pure fully unknown whats going in the world.The definition of world has changed from mother's lap to 196 countries in the last 18 years.

Next morning when i was busy reading 'The Kalam Effect by P.M Nair ' on upper berth I felt someone touched my leg,I ignored and got back to reading.But frequency was increasing continuously.So I closed the book to look actually who don't want me to read.No one was there I was surprised.I thought not to lay back and continue reading seating.After few moment a head was coming up slowly.Slowly the picture was clear with naughty smiling face.It was the same small girl who was playing with her brother yesterday.You all know that smiling is infectious ,You catch it like the flu,So when she smiled at me ,I also started smiling.The face disappeared soon and I laid back thinking that she'll not disturb me again.I was right It stopped.

But After almost an hour I got an intuition that someone is also on the berth.I looked up And it was the same small girl.I was surprised again.But this time she stood back smiling.I also closed the book and thought what should I talk with this smiling face.As I was busy in thinking she breaks up the silence "Hello Veera ! How's You ?" Veera is the way how people call Big Brother in Punjabi.
I don't have any real sister so I was little emotional at that particular moment of time by being called  'Veera'.She pinged me again and then I came back from the emotional circle of thoughts.I also responded her with a smile.And then once she started she never stopped She was talking,talking and talking.I was also enjoying her company.I also got a chance to play those funny games which children play.She discussed   about her life and told me what she thinks about the world.World was very beautiful from her eyes.I also have to tell her about myself.She wrote her name 'Sanehveer Kaur' ,phone number,birthday and address in my diary with her curvy writing.And wrote mine details also in her notebook.

She was surprised to know that My B'day was falling on next day i.e 19 April .So she started the discussion about B'Day Celebration and her experiences.She sat beside me for the whole day.In evening she shared a secret with me and asked not to tell it to anyone.And i was like 'OK'.She said that she is not happy on the idea of going to Boarding School and her parents are sending him next month.I tired to convince her that Parents do everything for their kids only.It would be for your better future.But she was not convinced.
Time flew like anything at that moment it was Evening and train was at Agra Cantt Platform no 2.

Sanehveer's parents and I were just having a casual talk.And that Boarding secret came into my mind and I told them Sanehveer is not happy on the idea of boarding school.When her parents were justifying the idea I looked at Sanehveer.She was looking at me as I have done the most heinous crime.She has all the right to behave like that As I have braked the promise which i made to her of not sharing the secret.Hey ! Please don't think that i believe in breaking the promise I am a very good secret keeper.I just thought it would be good for Sanehveer only If her parents come to know how she feel.
She started crying after breaking the friendship with me.I was thinking she is just a child she'll forget after few minutes and everything will be normal.But Sanehveer took it very seriously.She kept on repeating the line
" bad veera ! cutti & Erase my details from your diary " while crying.I felt very bad and but i can't show it like her.She stopped crying but kept her hands on her face so that she don't want to look at my face.I was ruptured emotionally I tried my level best to explain But she was not ready to listen.

I was surprised to see how small girl whom I even don't know much can cause such a pain.I went back to my berth repenting. But Nothing great was ever accomplished without enthusiasm.So i decided to go back again and try.A smiling face has now changed as she has lost everything she had in life.I tired for at least half an hour.Even uncle and aunt were trying but she was not in the mood of changing her mind.At 2200 hrs train arrived in New Delhi.I stepped out and was just watching people moving to their destinations as per their own destiny.I saw chocolates at a shop.I remember Snehveer telling me how much she loves Five stars.I bought five Five stars and started moving toward bogie.In between I realized i should not blackmail Snehveer.I decided not to try chocolates.I started talking to her To my surprise she was talking to me.I was very happy to again get back my small friend.

Journey to Ambala cantt was still 3 hours more.She again started her talks and this time she was warning me that this is the first and the last time she is forgiving me.I smiled and offer her chocolates.That infectious smile was again back on her face.She sat with me for those last three hours and she didn't went to sleep.As nothing is permanent Ambala Cantt arrived at 0200 hrs and that lovely discussion has to be stopped.We parted away with a heavy heart.

My dad was there to receive me and i was at home after few moments.It's good to be with your creator on your birthday.I was happy and  narrated the whole Snehveer incidents to my parents and brother.They were like Relations are made in Heaven.I slept with happy thoughts.

In the morning at 0700hrs a phone call waked me up.You'll not believe who was there on the other side."Happy B'Day Veera ! I am first to call naaa " It was Snehveer voice.

On 30 Jan 2010 I called Snehveer to wish on her Birthday.She has the same voice and accent.I was happy to know that her parents has changed their mind and she was not sent to boarding school.

Everything moved with his own pace.I had to change my cellular service and Snehveer's Dad did the same.We both try to contact but it was always unsuccessful.One odd day on 2 Jan 2012 I got a call from a man who didn't know my name but know few of my details.When I confirmed his details He said "Do you remember Snehveer ?"I was thoughtless and said "Yah I Do".He said "I am her Dad".I was jumping like anything at that moment.Actually once in a process of contacting the girl i had called Her maternal uncle but he didn't understood me.Uncle got the number from that source only.

Anyway I was able to talk to Snehveer who haven't forgot even a single thing of that train journey.She told me that she remember my B'Day and she is very sorry that she was not able to wish me.Later on i got to know from aunt that she used to cry that she has to talk to Veera.


On 30 Jan 2012 I was in Goa.We used to ride a lot in order to visit the peaceful and clear beaches.It was late in the night that day I remember It's Snehveer B'Day today but i can't call her as it's too late thinking she would be sleeping.

I use to think i should call and say sorry But there was fear of facing that little girl So i used to give away the idea.One day i got a call from Snehveer .My heart stopped beating for a moment.I didn't picked the call.After few moments I called her "Veera ! How''s You ?" I wished her and accepted my mistake.She was like "It's Ok".But i promised her to call on every Sunday.

So My friends This is how it all begins.But whenever I talk to my small sister That is one of the finest moment of the week.


LOVE and FEAR are only two root emotions in this world.

Place where Your Ideas Become Reality - Microsoft IT

It's been six weeks that i am working as a Software Development Engineer Intern at MSIT,Hyderabad.
Everything is so awesome here that If i start writing then the post will never end.So I will do the same some other day.

Microsoft have changed me lot in both Personal and Professional domain.
Everyone here specially my Manager Mr. Rohit Sabharwal ,Mentor Mr. Thakur Harsh Raj Singh and Buddy Pallavi Chaurasia mam (AITian) are amazing personality and had ensured that i learn everything in this short tenure of 8 weeks.
OK! Lets keep something for the next discussion :P.

Today i realized one of the biggest change which has occurred in me.I love to explore things and always tried to think of How Information Technology can Help Humans in solving their problem.

Earlier i just used to think and jot down the Ideas.but unfortunately those ideas used to stay in my pad only.

Last night 30 July 11,Saturday i was trying to search something simultaneously on more than one search Engine.It was little uncomfortable to manage both the Windows.
Then I thought why don't built a utility which can help you in dealing with multiple search engine at a single Place.It was a Idea.But now Things have changed.Now i am working for a company whose Vision is quoted in next line.
Microsoft IT - India VISION
"When People are enabled and inspired by innovative IT -anything is possible"

'Anything is Possible' were the words which made me think more and more.
Finally The next day When i woke up It was bright Sunday.The day when people usually make themselves ready for the Upcoming week.I had the same plans.
But the thought- "so will it be also like any other idea Which never turned to product/reality" was hitting me again and again ".

So i was very inspired and motivated to see One of my idea into Reality.Now I am comfortable with MVC 3 Framework and Windows Azure -"Microsoft cloud platform used to build, host and scale web applications through Microsoft data centers ".Credit goes to my manager and mentor who had helped me in learning things in the hard way.

So i moved to Office.On weekends generally The place is empty.You can spot few Interns and full time employees roaming with their families.

I started at 1400 Hrs and My Application was up and running on Windows Azure by 1800Hrs.
It goes by the Tag line."Explore Yourself,As it is Your Birth Right !".

A place where you can search simultaneously on more then one Search Engine and Help you in getting the right Information in less time.

You can find the same on this link http://ssm.cloudapp.net/ .

It is being hosted with my Windows Azure Sandbox account given to me by MS to learn and Explore.
It will be removed as my internship will be over i.e on 12 Aug 2011.But before that you can help yourself using the same.

It's a small thing i Know But the best part was that i was able to solve one of my problem myself using Information Technology.I hope in coming time I Will solve the World toughest Problem too ;).

I guess i should go now and prepare myself for the coming week :P.
Screen Shots of the My First Idea Which moved to Production ;):

Life In The Software Heaven

We all are aware of the fact that both Heaven and Hell are present on the Earth.It's just matter of Perception and your whole life changes.Brain ,More specifically Thoughts has the immense power to change the whole scenario.

O.K Lets come to professionalism,As a Computer Engineer what will you call a heaven ?There can be infinite number of answer to this question.
I will make it simpler for you guys What is Software Heaven ?Is it that difficult to answer.

O.K Lets try to analyze the whole context.We can define Heaven as the perfect place to live and where we believe the our very own creator GOD also lives besides us.Lets try to apply the same definition in Software World.

On April 4, 1975 Mr. Bill Gates and Mr. Paul Allen founded the Microsoft Corporation.This was the time after which Software came into the picture.Prior to the existence of  Microsoft ,Software was just a term which used to go with Hardware.Primarily IBM used to build machines which were operated by the software written by them only.It was Microsoft which was behind the Empowerment of SOFTWARE which ultimately give birth to our branch Computer Engineering.We can say that the Creator of our Domain is Microsoft.
So it goes without saying that Microsoft is The Software Heaven.

I am thankful to GOD that he gave me an opportunity to live in software heaven.

On 20 June 2011,I joined Microsoft as an Intern.To be more specific I became the part of MSIT.Now please don't expect me to define Heaven.As I seriously can't do it.It is so amazing that it can't be put into words.

The best part was the conversion of SSM to t-sumali@microsoft.com my alias here at MSIT.With this alias i can even literally talk to Mr. Bill Gates The Chairman ,Mr. Steve Ballmer The CEO and anyone under the banner of Microsoft.See how amazing and open is the environment here.

It's too much of professionalism now lets talk about generic life.Hyderabad is a good place,Weather is similar to that of Pune if you will exclude the rain part from latter one.Everyday i meet new dynamic best minds here and made new friends too.I am getting the glimpses of life which we have to live after college.

Family and the friends are few things which you seriously miss and Which even can't be compensated by the very best facilities in the world.It's good that i am realizing the importance of Time and People in my life.
Anyways Change is the synonyms of Life.Life is to learn and live.

For this first week i was in the Ready Phase as per my Manager.On Monday he will nail down the details of the real time Project on which i will be working.Quite excited and looking forward for the Problem which i have to solve with the help of Technology.

This was my first Week as the working Professional and there are many more to come.The life is totally different I will say it is opposite of Student life.But This is the life for which we were looking forward Since we started our schooling.

It is most beautiful feeling to be Independent and primarily To See (Hear) Your Parents Smiling And the Next big thing is to know that you are the reason behind that smile.

At last i would like to say Thank You to My Parents,Brother,Teachers,Seniors and Friends for their kind presence in my life and Teaching me Everything.I know it's difficult to repay but I will try my level best.

OK.In the end  would like to say something to Life.

"I am going to smile and make you think I am happy.
I am going to laugh,so you don't see me cry
I am going to let you go in style 
And even if it kills me -I am going to Smile :D :D :D ..."